Tonight is a rather empty feeling night for me. One of those that I’m digging deep to find my smile. Rest assure I will find it, just takes time. I have told very few exactly what is happening over the last three weeks. I will, in this blog, explain what is happening. As you know I missed my trip to D.C. for medical reasons beyond my control. Rather than attend the March, I had a schedule full of Dr appointments. Gerontologist, PCP, endometriosis Dr, and trying for pain management team.
First the GI specialist. I was sent there by my PCP for complaints of the digestive track and messed up bowels. This Dr decided I needed to have both an endoscopy and a colonoscopy. A trip to the er just a few days before that sealed my fate. So, I met with the GI Dr on Monday and on Friday he did my scopes. He didn’t find what he was looking for on the scopes, but he did find evidence of stomach issues. Bile and blood, both in my stomach and start of smaller intestine. He found the colon to be red and angry looking but no evidence of Crone’s or Colitis. He took many biopsy’s along the way. Then they did blood work.
My biopsy’s showed something we couldn’t see. So a battery of other tests were done and there came Ned. Ned was just beyond the reach of the upper GI scope. Tiny little guy that he is, he is a problem. Ned is a cancerous mass in my small intestine. But, even with him, my symptoms were not explained. So, more testing was to be ordered, but first my PCP wanted me to see him. As many of you know, he removed me from all pill forms of medications. Now, I’m on medications to help with diseases I have. I take metformin for insulin resistance related to PCOS, zantac and claritin for severe allergies twice a day, klonopin twice a day for anxiety, and many “as needed” anti inflammatory, anti nausea and pain meds for interstitial cystitis, endometriosis and GTB in my hips, as well as arthritis in my lower back from treatment for endo that ruined my bones.[egg id=”8″]
So since Wednesday I’ve been off these meds, because my Dr is checking to see if some of my issues, dizzy, dry skin, eyes, mouth, fainting spells, headaches, and IBS are actually side effects of any medication I am taking. SO I’m going with the pain, the allergies and all this without any help from my normal medications. Though I did receive multiple injections to help my body fight the allergy and asthma issues caused this time of the year.
The pain was okay, until Friday morning. I ended up on the sofa crying and called to report I couldn’t manage the pain. My lower back and hip was killing me. My pelvis felt as though someone were trying to rip my organs out of my body every time I took a breath. I was having trouble with a migraine caused by allergy reactions to pollen and mold spores. Not a good day. I was given IV fluids, iv antihistamines, and pain killers. Then injections for the pain as well. Today, everything hurt, it still does. My lower back seems to be really hurting at the injection sites. My pelvis is reminding me I have endometriosis and it likes to be cruel. I have gone from having a pain day where I was okay, to not being able to walk due to my pain. That is where I am right now. In pain, I have changed positions many times trying to type this blog.
The treatment for Ned will be to cut his head off and remove him entirely. Right now I am waiting on insurance to decide how much they want to help and how much I have to come up with. I was given one figure and paid 1200 on that already. But it seems the figure keeps changing. SO we will see tomorrow what the heck the hold up is. My best chance is to get him out now while he is not penetrating the walls and not spreading to other organs. We shall see.
So for now, I’m in my bed, trying to find a reason to smile. I keep looking on my social media, as everyone here is asleep, for things to dull the pain as the mind is busy. I’m watching a movie, sort of, and drinking ice water as I try to breathe through the pain and the worry. I tried to text someone who can usually take my mind off things and make me laugh, but it appears they are not replying. Go figure. I’m getting tired of people saying, I will be there for you, just text or call. But then they never are. Even if I take their calls or texts in the middle of everything.
Dear Self, If they don’t reply, they don’t care. Give up and walk away, it is okay to do that. They are not the persons you should be in touch with when they only want to be there when they need you.
Sad, but oh so true.
#endometriosis #painsucks #DeathToNed